Welcome friends and foes alike
Nicola Rates Stuff #1
Welcome, welcome one and all to this magical-
Lol who am I kidding? It’s literally just an email of me rating Jonah Hill’s paparazzi photos.
Thanks for signing up to my weekly newsletter! I don’t have many redeeming qualities, so I’d like to thank you for taking a chance and having the faith that I’ll have something interesting to say.
Let’s get down to business.
Here I am, actually rating Jonah Hill’s paparazzi pics.
If you know me well, you’ll know that I think Jonah Hill is one of the coolest people on earth, and maybe even in the milky way. So of course he’ll be the first person featured here.
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One thing you’ll learn as you look through these photos is he’s the king of streetwear. Yes to the bucket hat, yes to the clear glasses, yes to the top and basketball shorts combo, yes to the sliders. If his toenails were painted it would round out the whole look, but that’s not his fault.
78/100
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Classic Jonah Hill. This tee is really brought up a notch by the image, who doesn’t want a skeleton dunking on their shirt (don’t answer that)?! I think I almost bought a similar one on a day trip to Margate. Also the size of that water bottle? Mega hydration. Oh yeah, and his hair cannot be topped. Not a fan of the trainers though, so -5 for that.
95/100
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At first I thought he was wearing the same tee as in the image above, but no, he has another one! Also! Michael Cera! +5! Not really a fan of the jacket though and I think his jeans are a little long, we need to see which trainers he’s rocking today! Overall, not really a fan of the lack of cohesiveness in this scene.
50/100
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I don’t think there’s even a highest rating to give this one. It’s out of this world. I think it was my phone background at one point. His hair is the most beautiful colour pink, he’s wearing some sick tinted lasses that I might ring my optician and ask about, his watch and bracelet match and he has a hairband on his wrist?! Class. Notice how the trousers AND phone case match the trainers? Yeah, I did. What a beautiful ensemble. Not looking where he’s going tho but I won’t penalise bc I do the same thing. Queer eye wouldn’t change anything about this absolute look.
Googolplex/100
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Wow. This is what I call the ‘Wetherspoons on a Monday morning’ look, complete with a chain.
-10
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So Sugaree. That’s what this photo is. Sugar and spice and all things nice. A) it’s those glasses again, B) oat milk is the best milk (ok, except from coconut), C) he looks like he’s practically skipping, D) I wonder whats in that bag? Is it a present for me?! I’m not as keen on the colour of his trousers though so -5 for that. Overall, absolutely beautiful.
88/100
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This one really is a hit. A clean white shirt with a pair of med wash denim jeans is always a good look. I’m really enjoying the sunglasses hanging on the chain, resourceful and cool. It looks like the jacket he’s wearing is one of those 60’s vibe ones, which is wonderful. What a chic look. -7 to the paparazzo who made the pic a bit blurry.
81/100
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And of course. No explanation needed. Certified fresh.
100/100
IN CONCLUSION
He’s not just a funny guy, he’s also extremely fashion forward. If I was a guy I would 100% model my looks after him. Seriously. He’s v cool. He also really likes Palace for some reason.
If you’re still with me, I thank you. And for that you get this little smiley face :)
What a wild ride. Hope you have a new appreciation of his style, and if you don’t that’s OK, because we don’t all have to be the same (just kidding, boo you!)
My last gift to you is this absolute tune to kick off your weekend.
See you next week, where I rate each of my nails in order of messed-up-ness. I won’t really, but whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be as lame.
Have a wonderful weekend and HAPPY FRIDAY!
love u miss u,
Nicola
Lol googolplex. Can't wait for the next one.
Love that googolplex got a mention. This is amazing.